I see there's a distance in your eyes
Julia
Can I even reach you if I try
Or is this goodbye
Fefe Dobson, "Julia"

I am a girl. I've lived with this knowledge ever since I started preferring skirts to trousers. I've got the ridiculous maternal need to "fix" people, which results in my being irreparably drawn to people who are overtly flawed, or who have built gigantic barriers around themselves. I get this passion, this drive for these people that I've never gotten for anyone who really had their shit straight. I stayed in an emotionally destructive relationship with Aaron for months even though I knew I was sick for putting up with it- I still hoped I could be the one to change everything for someone who hated himself so much. I continuously have these clingy friendships with girls who drink too much, pierce themselves, cut themselves, use sex to try and bandage their loneliness... or funny, one-sided friendships with people who've moved past the idea of being friends with me. I cling to the idea of being someone's fucking tonic. It's a disgusting realization I came upon. It results in me pining over the ones who will never allow someone to save them, the ones who will have to either save themselves or overdose, and the ones who'd laugh at the idea that I could save someone. Hell, I laugh at that myself.